Sunday, October 22, 2006

zoo hilton with no paris hilton-- script three


Pantomime Sequence: CK enters and introduces the following actors as cues for the audience to react. (Evil- ,Good- ,Alien- Anna- )

Scene one ( Doctor Spot and Mister Surprise)

What happens? The two plot to take over the world by kidnapping the powerful Alien Crom Goth who is being held at the Mayhem city Zoo.

Enter Mister Surprise pacing the stage, quickly rubbing hands together.

Mr. Surprise: It’s perfect. We cannot fail. We will take over the world. Rahahah…rahaha.

Enter Doctor Spot carrying a bag of Loot. Sets it down on stage and sits on a chair very tired.

Mr. Surprise: Doctor Spot I have great news; the Alien Crom Goth is being held at the Mayhem Zoo. All we have to do is capture him and use his power. And you know what that means.

Rising from his chair Doctor Spot meets Mister Surprise at the front of stage.

Both: We will take over the World.


Scene two ( Emmno Pavano the half ton hamster, Momo Madster the movin tiger, Roxxi Roller the rad dog, Ferocious the floppin Frog, Ash Tanenbomb the Zoo keeper and Alligator tamer)

What happens? The animals talk about Crom Goth and give a bleak view of how it must be hard for a king like him to be reduced to living in an earth animal jail. Frog contacts the good guys; (Iburt El Tosta and Lady Lauren) about the Crom Goth situation. He tells them that the bad guys are probably going to try and capture Crom Goth for themselves.


We see the animals in back ground caged and Ash the Zookeeper about to feed them, he carries a big bag and starts throwin food into the cage.

Ash: You think your special animals. You’re not special. You’re just plain. If only this hotel had some Alligators. Oh how I would love to wrestle an alligator. It’s been so long.

Ash Drags bag and walks of stage in a sad way. Animals begin to eat and talk.

Momo: Umm this is not bad, not bad at all. I think I’ll have seconds, maybe thirds.

Roxxi: How can you eat? Don’t you know that Crom Goth the King is coming here today. He will be so sad and unhappy in this jail. He was a king on planet Orkon now he is just like us.

Emmano Pavano: He ruled for over a million years. He ate like a king for a million years. Now he has to eat horrible food in this jail. We must clean up the place and make him welcome. Yes, we will throw him a party, Welcome to earth “it’s not so bad” party.

Frog walks up to centre stage, takes of flipper and starts to talk into it.

Ferocious: Hello, come quick to the zoo I think the bad guys are coming for Crom Goth.


Chorus: “mean while” in the ‘good guys’ lair etc.etc..


Scene three ( Lady Lauren, Iburt Eltosta)

What happens? We are at the Good guys lair they decide to use their special tricycles to get to the Mayhem zoo as quick as possible.

Iburt Eltoasta holding shoe to ear responds to frogs phone call.

Iburt Eltosta: Holy-Jimminy!! I just got a message from the frog. And Dog-gonnit: He was right all along. Doctor spot and Mister Surprise are going to the zoo after the Alien for his powers. And you know what that could mean?

Both: They could take over the World!

Quickly the retreat to the side and uncover a set of tricycles. They hop on and begin they’re journey to the Zoo.


Scene four

( Animals, Ash and Com Goth behind curtain, Princess Rosie-Thorne and Anna-fo-Fanna the Lama artist)

What happens? Animals discuss the bad conditions of their jail and argue with Ash. Ash eventually introduces Crom Goth to audience member. Eventually from back of the crowd walks in Princess Rosie-Thorne and Anna fo-Fanna the royal artist. Audience reacts. Bow from Ash.

Enter Ash and and zoo-animals.

Ash: No I cannot give you steak every day and a massage every night. We can’t afford to run the…the hotel if we give you everything you want. I want alligators at the hotel but we cannot afford them, do you hear me complain. No. I never complain. So eat your food and no I cannot give you balloons for your party.

All animals: (chanting) We have No rights! We have No rights! We have No rights! Give us Balloons! Give us Balloons! Give us Ball……

Ash: SHUT YOUR FURRY FACES!! I don’t get paid enough for this!!

Roxxi: This place is a stinky-pit! We know the difference between a stinky-pit and a hotel and this is a stinky-pit! We can’t we leave. We can’t watch Crocodile Hunter! We cant’….

Ash: Well that’s because… .. well… forget it.

Emmano and Momo: We have to eat smelly old car tires and crummy crosiant crusts!

All animals: Yeah! We deserve better!

Ash: And you will get better! A very important person is coming today. If you are well behaved I will give you all a special treat.

All animals: Stop your lies!

All erupt and start jumping up and down making noise, throwing toilet paper at Ash, he stands like a statue covered in t.paper. they scrape a cup across the floor like you would bars in a real jail. The Frog starts playing the Harmonica. Then Ash blows a
whistle. He walks to Centre stage and address audience, like he would a crowd at a zoo.

Ash: Please! Please! Please! I have someone I would like you all to meet. He is a king.

Animals start to quiet.

Ash: A leader from a far away galaxy. Two days ago he lived in a palace and ruled trillions. Today he lives with a terriable Tiger, a half ton hamster and a dalmation from the Danish nation . Who of you is daring enough to look at Crom Goth “The Orkon King?”

Walks out into stage and asks the audience, brings the pre ordained someone up and they react with a scream as preordered at beginning of script. Ash lets him return to seat and then Princess will enter.

This is where it gets crazy we have a freak out by an audience member and resuscitation by ck and bd…

Lights up.

Ash: As you can see Ladies and Gentleman Crom Goth is not for everyone. who else is bold enough to see this creature.

Lights down

Enter Rose and Anna from crowd. Audience hisses…..oh her again.

Anna: I am! Let me see the ugly creature for myself. Though he can’t be much more ugly then all of you. Ugly! Everything in this zoo is ugly. Ugly Flowers. Ugly Cats. Ugly people. Ugly. Ugly. Ugly. Don’t you think so Anna.

Anna stops painting and speaks

Anna: No. Audience Whoa you go girl!

Rose: Well what do you know; you think everything is beautiful. Big surrrrrrrprise! But I tell you everything is ugly. Uggggggly!

Ash is a little scared at approaching the Princess but he does. Anna goes and starts painting the animals. First she sits down by them. Ash and Princess go to view Crom Goth.

Ash: Behold King Crom Goth.

Princess looks. Looks some more. Her frown is leaving her. She starts to smile. She starts to jump up and down. Tries to go towards Crom Goth. But Ash stops her.

Princess Rosie Thorne: How dare you stop a Princess who is in love.

All: Love?

Princess: Why he is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. I must speak with him. I am in love. In love. In love.

She dances as she speaks and Anna comes to her side trying to get her to leave.

Ash: Well that is it for today folks. Come back and see Crom Goth tomorrow in cell, I mean room 108. Thank you and Good night.

Princess aside

Princess: Am I crazy? Everything here was ugly and now it’s beautiful. Beautiful flowers, beautiful cats, beautiful everything. I think…I think…I Have found my prince.

Anna: On no not again! Let’s go home girl. (Raises paint brush in air)

Raises paint brush reaction is You go girl by audience.

Scene 5


Lady Lauren: Well this case is getting interesting. An alien, a princess, two villains with an evil plan. What can we do El tosta?

El Tosta: Jumping joeholsafat! What can we do? What must we do? We will do… I’ll tell you what we will do.

Both: We will. We will. We will. Think of something; we hope.

All leave stage except animals and Crom Goth enters Cell and starts to talk.

Crom Goth: Hi every body I’m Crom Goth the King. And let me tell you humans sure know how to make an alien welcome. Speeches, A crowd, a princess who loves me and a great-decorated room with cool earth animals. How did I ever get so lucky?

The animals look at him like he’s crazy.

All: Huh? What? You’re joking right. You must be joking. Hahahahaha…good one Crom Goth…good one…hahahahahaha.

Crom Goth: No, I’m telling the truth. Back on Orkon I had to help everyone all the time. I had to go to parades. Fire zeons. Hire nables. Go to a smokla party every zinzong. Live in a big what you call “castle”. All alone. I never had many what call “friends” because I had so much “responsibility.” Now I have lots of “buddies”, and have zero “responsibility”. Yippeeeeee.

Momo: But don’t you miss being a leader?

frog: Yeah, you’re a king, now you’re a prisoner.

Crom Goth: Come now. I get fed here, right? I get to sleep here, right? I get to play games with you animals’ right? And a princess loves me. That is not a bad life. Much better than on my planet.

All: Ok. But this is a stinky pit that you can’t leave.

Crom Goth: Who said anything about leaving? I don’t want to ever. I’m sick of huge “castles” and being a king. Let’s play something.

All animals: You’re crazy Crom Goth.

Crom Goth: No I’m free, I’m finally free! Let’s play….

Roxxi: Frisbee.

Crom Goth: What is freesbee?



El Tosta: Holy pot holes Lauren dude! Watch your drivin.

Lauren: Stop. Stop. El Tosta you know we should really consider getting those new hummer c2 cycles. This is taking forever.

ElTosta: I know the budget won’t allow it. So being a good guy means being a fandastical frugal mite sometimes. All we can hope is that they don’t use plan B

Lauren: Plan B!..Not plan B! how did they get plan b?

El Tosta: They traded plan A for it.

Lauren: Nooooooooooooooooo!

Scene six (Animals, ash, Doctor Spot, Mister Surprise)

What happens: the Villains try to break in the cage using the old “hand me this” bit. The animals react to the situation as Frog finally comes clean and tells truth.


Animals asleep in back ground. Villains trying to break in to get Crom Goth.

Doctor Spot: Ok. Let’s look at the plan. We have a cage here locked. We have an alien inside with super powers we want.

Both: So we can take over the world!

Both: Shhhhhhhhh!

Mister Surprise: I say we use plan B. (We hear the chorus scream nooooo.) Did you hear that? No? Give me the bag.

They begin by taking out stuff, random stuff, and naming it as follows.

Doctor Spot: Spot ring

Mister Surprise: Check

Doctor Spot: Left handed can opener.

Mister surprise: check.

Doctor spot: DVD of how to break into a zoo and steal an alien king part one.

Mister Surprise: Check

Doctor spot: rubber chicken

Mister surprise: rubber Chicken?

Doctor spot: For Luck. Right-handed squeegee.

Mister surprise: check

Doctor spot: under arm deodorant

Mister Surprise smells his pit.

Mister surprise: check.

Both: Let’s go and see what they have….

Enter audience and ask for a shoe a comb and a purse?

Both: Now we have it all. We will take over the world! Hahahahahahaha.

Meanwhile in the cage the animals can’t sleep. Crom Goth is snoring.

Momo: I don’t know why but I can’t sleep. I think it must be a full moon.
Starts roaring

Emmano: I think that there is too much drama at this silly stink pit since Crom Goth came.

Roxxi: Yeah, atleast before we had quiet now we have so many vistors throwing things at Crom Goth that we never get any quality time. I miss quality time. Remember quality time.

Momo: I like the drama. It keeps me young.

Frog freaks out!

Frog: Ferocious can’t take it any more! Ferocious has to tell you something.

All: What’s wrong ferocious frog?

Frog: The bad guys are coming to take Crom Goth Away

All: What?

Ferociaous Frog: Ferocious Frog isn’t some harmonica playing lilly pad lovin, toad tastin butterfly munchin’ road runnin’ no good lazy fruit fly eater. Ferocious frog lives on the edge fighting injustice in stinky pits everywhere.

Everyone smells their arm pits.

Frog: No Silly animals I investigate smelly zoo pits. Because Ferocious Frog is an undercover frog sent here by the W.A.Z.O.

# Chorus: that means WORLD ANTI-ZOO ORGANIZATION. Everyone what does W.A.Z.O STAND FOR? I CAN’T HEAR YOU?


Crom Goth: “The bad guys.” “The Good guys.” “The W.A.Z.O.?” What are you saying? Wait, what bad guys?


El Tosta:

Scene 7

Enter Doctor Spot and Mister Surprise.

Both: Da Da Dammmmmmmmmmmmm. We are the bad guys.

All: Oh no.

On his knees to the audience begging for help.

Frog: Where are you Iburt El Tosta when Ferocious needs you?

Doctor Spot: Mister surprise Cuff our royal friend; while I watch these lovely animals. You are all free of course.

All: Free? Yea for the bad guys!

Enter Ash

Ash: Holy hammer hock! What do you think you’re doing?

Doctor spot: Spot Power make him sleep.

Ash falls asleep. Both villains look at each other.

Both: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeexcellent!

They walk with Crom Goth out towards crowd. The Good Guys enter from crowd on Tricycles barmping their horns.

Lauren and Iburt: HiiIIII-YA!!

Iburt elTosta: Stop! You vulgar villains! You are no match for the W.A.Z.O. ( audience reacts)

Do the hulk Hogan gesture…

Iburt ElTosta: ….and release Crom Goth.

The four battle (audience reacts to “Ooohh” sign and “Aaaahhhhh” sign). Back and forth battle. Weapons plunger, ring, toilet brush, toe nail clippers, spatula, rubber chicken, Kate Quarrie vs. Farbridge sign). Good guys backed into a lasoo. Roped up.

Mister Surprise: Now all of you- in the cage.

Emmano: But you said we were free.

Both: We are villains we lie all the time. Ahahahahahahahahaha. Get in the cage.

Enter screaming Warrior Princess from crowd. Anna slowly walks behind her after wards.

Princess Rosie Thorne: Nnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooo! You take your hands off of my man! Now!

Anna fo-Fanna raises paintbrush and crowd reacts with “You go girl!”

Villains look scared but pretend otherwise.

Mister Surprise: Your man, why he’s an alien and a very ugly alien at that. You should find a king that looks beautiful and manly liker Doctor Spot or me. Really you need to look harder at this alien. Am I right? Am I right? (raises spot ring; crowd reacts)
Audience boos him.

Princess: Crom Goth, oh Crom Goth have they hurt you. Because if they have they will feel the wrath of Princess Rosie Thorne. Now let my man go.

Frog: Ferocious senses love he does. …. ..Grossness! Uhhhgggggggg!

Doctor Spot: Enough. We rule Crom Goth and his powers so zap her Crom Goth and be done with her. Now.

Mister Surprise: Now…Now…We command

Crom Goth yawns through out this whole bit.

All : Say something Crom Goth!

Crom Goth: Something….hahahahaha. You villains are funny. You zoo keepers are funny. You all are funny. I like you all. I think I will stay here. Hahahahahahahahaa.

Villains: But we captured you?

Crom Goth: Captured? No one captured Crom Goth. I chose this planet as a vacation resort, because it has no one leader. And it was so different and wonderful. On Orkon I had to be the king, on earth I am just Crom Goth.
I like it here so much that I will stay.

All: But who will rule your world?

Anna puts down brush walks over to Crom Goth and says.

Anna: Send the bad guys up to your world since they love ruling planets so much.

All: Wow.

Crom Goth: Well Orkon does need rulers. And they have been very bad. You have been very bad, haven’t you?

Both: Yes we have, we deserve to be punished by being rulers of a planet. OH how terrible..Boo hooo…Boo hoo…hahaha…boo hooo…hahaha….. Of all the bad luck. What a punishment!

Crom Goth speaks into his shoe.

Crom Goth: Well then it is settled. Crom Goth to mother ship Sent down the travel pod now.


When they reappear the villains are gone.

scene 8

Lets party. Music, games, dances and so on as we celebrate the life of Crom Goth.


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home